Marital Issues

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So maybe some of the married BZers can give me some advice?

So my wife has been pretty distant since her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer. It's to be understandable that she'd be upset and such, but lately she's been very emotional distant from me lately and spending a lot of time away from home. She hangs out at this house that a bunch of her coworkers from Apple live at. She's been hanging out with one guy in particular that lives there and even spends the night over there.

Well last night I finally confronted her about it because she's seemed pretty happy and excited whenever she talks to him or about him, and she admitted that she was attracted to him emotionally. Nothing physical has happened she said, but she just feels like the two of us are friends at the moment. She pretty much said she loves this guy, and has pretty much told me she doesn't know if she wants to work this out with me.

We've only been married for 7 months and she's leaving on Wednesday to go home to take care of her dying mother. I don't know what the hell to do...

12next ›last »

Wow man, that's some really awful shit for her to put you through.

To be honest though, I have been in her position before...let me sort of explain.

I believe that polyandry is ok, so long as all parties agree...my wife does not and therefore it is out of bounds. I have had relationships with women that I could very easily see becoming more than just friendships, wherein a very strong emotional attraction takes place...this has happened once since we've been married but before we were married it happened a couple other times.

I've never cheated on her in a physical way, but the last time this happened it scared me because I knew it would hurt her badly and probably end our marriage...So I had to make the decision to simply cut off this relationship before it got worse..and I did...and I decided not to put myself in that position any more.

I think everyone here has the ability to fall in love with multiple people if you allow yourself to do so, I was irresponsible in allowing myself to do this and had to make the decision to honor my wife's emotions ahead of my own or anyone else.

I haven't told my wife about this, because I don't think she'd understand...she is never really in a position to be around people that this may occur with so I don't think it is reasonable to expect her to understand it, even though she is just as likely given the circumstances to end up this way as I am. You all may think this is bullshit...im not sure..I love my wife...I just think we have a larger capacity for love than one person.

My advice to you would be to let her know your position, that you are not willing to share her with another man and that you are capable of being an emotional rock for her to rely on during this difficult time. Let her know that she should drop this relationship immediately, but also be sure to consider that there may be faults of your own that you may have to work on...I hope you are supporting her emotionally, but if not let her know that you are there to do that...etc

Good luck, whatever happens.

Http://www.ragingrev.com

Catharsis, you're a pretty good, decent guy...and i hate to break it down to you like this but chances are she's already banging the guy and she's lying to you and taking advantage of your love for her.

If her Mom's issue will be the problem, she wouldn't be doing this with this "special friend"...i see it as her excuse to stay away from the house, from you and probably her dying Mom too.

in moments like this, you have two options:

A. Understand that you're being the better person and undrestand that you don't deserve this and walk away from this relationship before it gets more painful and worse.

B. If you REALLY, REALLy love her...let her do her thing and wait for her answer. sometimes love works in the most bizzare and un-logical ways.

I hope nothing but the best for you, my man.

There is only one religion - the religion of Love. There is only one language - the language of the Heart. There is only one caste - the caste of Humanity. There is only one God - and He is Omnipresent.

It's an emotional trap people fall into...far too often. Relationship falls into cycle of complacency, you stop talking about stuff, you stop running to one another when you're upset, you stop communicating...then you meet someone.
It's so fucking easy to pour yourself out to someone of the opposite sex you barely know--they're attractive, they find you attractive, and as soon as you drop some hint that something's wrong with your relationship, bam, you have a listening ear ready and willing to "be there" for you. And the floodgates open. It's easy to talk until the sun comes up when you know so little about someone and have so much on your mind.

I've been on both sides. A little over three years ago, I found out the girl I was dating was talking to someone else, and I ditched her. In this case, she was dead weight and being rid of her was one of the best things that's ever happened to me, however much it hurt at the time.

Three months ago, I was the other guy. One of them at least. A girl I worked with at the Halloween event I do (at the time, she was the hottest girl who'd ever looked twice at me) started dropping overt references to her failing engagement in our breaktime banter. The very last night, infidelity was in the air--her best friend and a good friend of mine both ran off and ditched their partners for one another, and I was well on my way to following suit. Then she drank herself to vomiting at the party we went to, so that killed it. It gave me a few days to think, then we hung out one night right up until it was time for me to leave for clinicals in the morning. She said she wanted to give her relationship one more chance, so I backed off, and told her to stop confiding in me, or any guys for that matter, if she actually wanted to give her relationship a shot. There was no shortage of guys willing to "be there" for her. Then I had the pleasure of sabotaging my roommate when he made his move, which had me disappointed because he's a pretty good friend of mine.

Anyway, we didn't speak until she showed up to a party at my place about a month ago, and I straight up told her how absurd I found it that so many guys were fawning over her and being there for her. After all, there was another engaged girl in distress at the same party who was a frumpy mother of three, nobody gave a shit about her, those involved just wanted her out of the picture. It would have been absurd to think there was anything altruistic about helping out the pretty one, but I guess guys like to throw themselves out there in hopes that they'll be rewarded for being there.

She kissed me on the cheek, and when she tried to walk away, I pulled her closer. I grinned and said "See? I'm no better." And I let her go. That was the end of that.

Two hours later, after the party died, I wrote this. A lot of it was written months before I ever met her, but she gave me the last bit of inspiration I needed to finish it (along with a couple thoughts borrowed from Shiv):

Noone wants to see a pretty girl cry
See how they gather, rushing to her side
Flowers in their arms and hearts in their eyes
Come and see the angel that we brought to life

Noone gives a shit when an ugly girl cries
See how they scatter, pushing her aside
Prayers in their thoughts, and hasty goodbyes
Lord help her but we've not got the time

And the white knights come riding from every castle
Steel lances held erect
Off to slay the dragon and take the princess back

As your savior emerges where all others have failed
And breaks open your cell to carry you away
You'll look him in the eye and show him what he truly is

"Does you seek a place among nobility?
Or just a shot at royal pussy?
There's a thousand maidens more distressed than I
But I guess they're just not worth the ride"

The solution's pretty simple, let's get this underway

Noone wants to see a pretty girl die
I think you know where I'm going with this...let's just get it over with
Listen--the dragon's death cry, the galloping up the stairs

Go ahead, before you second guess yourself.
Leave a little note behind, it's time for us to fly

"Don't worry about me, I'm floating through the stars
One last thing, the body's in the backyard
Sorry to say that I won't be your prize
It's not my choice, the bullet never lies"

I know a little place where hope goes to die
Down on Rosery by the waterside
I still see the setting sun in your eyes
I can't make you walk but I sure can try

Burn Beautiful

  • Kilo

  • Mon, 01/25/2010 - 08:28

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that, Catharsis. How painful. I'll say a prayer for you. Don't give up yet. Love is a CRAZY thing.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

  • no one

  • Mon, 01/25/2010 - 13:59

I'm no expert since I've only had 2 real girlfriends and married them both. My experience with my first marriage taught me the point of having boundaries. I chased after her with every free moment and penny I had until I was out of both. While she ran as hard as she could.

It turns out I could have saved us both a lot of pain if I just would have explained my boundaries plainly and left when they were crossed.

In you case you've got the added complication of the dying mom, which generally means you give more leeway to someone who is dealing with issues of grief. I would just be careful not to let that leeway become something that is inappropriate for a marriage, such as what she's doing. I'd say you need to be very clear about what your boundaries are. Write it in a letter too, so there is no chance for forgetting. It's obviously a fine line between giving her the space she feels she needs and letting her go so crazy she destroys the marriage.

Just make sure you aren't trying to change her. If she is the kind of woman who is always chasing Eros she's probably never going to be a stable wife for any man. On the other hand, if she is acting out of grief and out of character then there should be room for forgiveness and reconciliation.

~Of the earth giants

Black Dragon Say:"request exigency medical acclaim if your erection is piercing"

  • Scrybe

  • Mon, 01/25/2010 - 18:47

This really saddens me, man. I am very sorry for the meaningless bs you seem to be going through right now.

I'm not sure if I'm good for giving advice, cause to be honest, I would have kicked her to the curb the second she stayed out with another guy.. This is from my experience of being walked all over by every girlfriend I've ever had (aside from my current one.. thankfully!). The lies, the cheating, etc have all formed me into .. kind of a stand-offish dick? I don't really think that I put up with very much bullshit..

I'm pretty much 98% non-jealous. I don't get freaked out and paranoid for no reason, I absolutely hate that shit and I think jealousy is one of the worst characteristics any human could ever have.. You break your trust with me? I don't become jealous, I become pissed and I won't put up with it.

Which is why I'm not the best for giving advice, as I would probably tell you something along the lines of, "Give that bitch nothing but hate, and leave her on the streets to rot without you." I also don't really want to tell you this, cause it's probably the last thing you want to hear.. but, bro.. from my experience, her telling you that "nothing physical has happened" is more than likely a terrible lie. Now, I don't know her personally, so it's probably unfair of me to say that, but I do have quite a bit of experience dealing with lying girls.. I mean, she spent the night with the dude.. and no dude is going to think with his brain in a situation like that. There's pretty much only one thing going through his mind.

However!! I won't get too personal, but someone very close to me has gone through almost this exact situation.. her advice? You just kind of have to let her do her thing, really.. If you start forcing her to stick around, she's just going to deceive you behind your back and that's something neither of you should have to go through.

You'll have to ask yourself this though: If she does go out and try her thing, realize that she still loves and wants to be with you, how will you be able to take her back without constantly having that fear hanging over your head? Every time she comes home and talks about a co-worker, you might instantly be filled with so many different emotions, man.. Which obviously wouldn't be healthy for either one of you.

All this being said, I could very well be wrong. I don't have all the experience in the world.. But the experience I do have has formed my ways. I just hope everything works out well for you in the end, and I hope that whatever decision you guys make is for the best. I don't know you personally, but from the interwebs, I can tell that you don't deserve to be put through this, and if that's how it's going to be, you would be able to find somebody who is much better to you.

  • Tyler

  • Mon, 01/25/2010 - 19:26

Im sorry Catharsis. Some good advise in this thread.

From my limited perspective:

No way can she emotionally lean towards this other man or really, anyone else than you during her time of grief. If she even leads towards a close friend (women) or she sister lets say, more than you, she will be in a unhealthy way as far as her emotional relationship with you. In my opinion, the emotional part of a marriage is whats most important. Lose that battle, lose the marriage. I encourage you to fight for it. Take some of Rev's advise and mix it with Josh's as far as how and how much do you fight.

Also, give her grace. Losing you mother, especially for a women, is devastating in itself. Im sure you know this.

If it was me, I would confront the man involved, and warn him to keep his distance. He must be a dick.

fykusfireScrybe is what I would deem a genius. Of course with that said, there is a fine line between genius and insanity, and Scrybe is eating that line like spaghetti.

Let me not exist for a fair desire sweet and fresh.

Thanks for the advice, support, kind words, etc, everybody. It's been a pretty crazy week so far, but I dropped my wife off at the airport today. We both feel this time apart might be good for us, and I talked to her brother the other day. He's gonna talk to her sometime while she's home.

Other than that, I might go up there sometime later to be with the family and work some things out, and I think we're going to seek some kind of counseling after her mom passes.

I might even get some counseling myself while I'm here alone.

allelesfailedIf it was me, I would confront the man involved, and warn him to keep his distance. He must be a dick.

Bad idea....perfect example:

To catharsis:

it's always good to talk with somebody else that can see the situation from an outside perspective.

never the less, it's your heart and you're the holder of the ultimate answer.

Kudos, my man...it takes balls to talk about stuff like this with strangers.

There is only one religion - the religion of Love. There is only one language - the language of the Heart. There is only one caste - the caste of Humanity. There is only one God - and He is Omnipresent.

Counceling for yourself while you are alone sounds like a very healthy idea. I really like what Ray said too. Sound, stable advice.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

  • no one

  • Wed, 01/27/2010 - 23:09

endemoniado
allelesfailedIf it was me, I would confront the man involved, and warn him to keep his distance. He must be a dick.

Bad idea.

Believe you me, I would love nothing more than to find this guy. I know where he works (my wife works there, so that's not too hard), and I know where he lives. However, I know that if I was to say anything to him or just kick his ass that it'd push my wife farther away; Maybe even possibly get police involved, and those are both things I would like to avoid.

I'm glad I talked to her brother, though. Apparently a few years ago he kinda did the same thing my wife has done, and his wife left him for a month. They had to really work out some things in their marriage and struggled for a while.

I know it's going to be hard, but I want to fight to keep my wife. I know she's not thinking rationally and is very emotionally confused right now. I just can't stand the fact that this guy took advantage of her like that. :/

I wanted to go buy something at Apple today but I was worried if he was working and I saw him that something might happen. I pretty much have to avoid that store now lol. I guess my wallet will be happy.

Definitely single counseling before you join your wife again. That'll really help you organize your thoughts and give you a better approach to reconnecting.

~Of the earth giants

Black Dragon Say:"request exigency medical acclaim if your erection is piercing"

  • Scrybe

  • Thu, 01/28/2010 - 02:32

Talking to the brother seemed like a excellent idea. Sounds like you are doing the right things right now.

fykusfireScrybe is what I would deem a genius. Of course with that said, there is a fine line between genius and insanity, and Scrybe is eating that line like spaghetti.

Let me not exist for a fair desire sweet and fresh.

well i just pretty much just broke it off with my fiancee - the hard part will be keeping myself from wanting to go back on the decision. i know though that it's best for the both of us. i love her, enough though to know this decision is the best decision for both of us and will only be for the better ultimately

the quick gist really is i had come to this decision for more than month and i knew enough of myself to know I wasn't deceiving myself, that its been the opposite for a long time.

today certain things finally ignited and yea

why son why son are you so hurt - and why son does that cigarette hang unlit, so glum from your lips - once spoke that life is meant to be dragged, dragged, dragged to the filter - but now but now son - why son are you so hurt

why bother why bother he says, his eyes - so unalert - like rythms and rhymes that occupies his mind but they don't quite reach his lips where where the cigarette rests unlit

gerrardpicardwell i just pretty much just broke it off with my fiancee - the hard part will be keeping myself from wanting to go back on the decision. i know though that it's best for the both of us. i love her, enough though to know this decision is the best decision for both of us and will only be for the better ultimately

the quick gist really is i had come to this decision for more than month and i knew enough of myself to know I wasn't deceiving myself, that its been the opposite for a long time.

today certain things finally ignited and yea

wow man, last you and I talked you were head over heals with her...

. here if you wanna talk.

Http://www.ragingrev.com

Sorry man.

fykusfireScrybe is what I would deem a genius. Of course with that said, there is a fine line between genius and insanity, and Scrybe is eating that line like spaghetti.

Let me not exist for a fair desire sweet and fresh.

sorry for what - Im drunk and im awesome

why son why son are you so hurt - and why son does that cigarette hang unlit, so glum from your lips - once spoke that life is meant to be dragged, dragged, dragged to the filter - but now but now son - why son are you so hurt

why bother why bother he says, his eyes - so unalert - like rythms and rhymes that occupies his mind but they don't quite reach his lips where where the cigarette rests unlit

So I've been having a lot of panic attacks the past few days.

I know she's still talking to this guy (phone and IM) while she's in CA and it's tearing me up. I don't even know if I want to save this marriage anymore.

Counseling on Tuesday. Dunno what the hell it's going to accomplish.

Dude, I'm sorry for coming in here, and saying the shit i did - its not my thread and is a drop in the pond compared to your situation man

i know panic attacks

panic attacks are not . . fun. end of story.

counselling can help. only to help the parties if they truly want to be together.

ive done a lot of therapy

it does whatever you want it to. it can help you find yourself, it can help you lose yourself.

if your love wants out man, she wants out - the situation sucks and i wish I had some say - but at least you have us (brethern) to somewhat talk to.

why son why son are you so hurt - and why son does that cigarette hang unlit, so glum from your lips - once spoke that life is meant to be dragged, dragged, dragged to the filter - but now but now son - why son are you so hurt

why bother why bother he says, his eyes - so unalert - like rythms and rhymes that occupies his mind but they don't quite reach his lips where where the cigarette rests unlit

No, man. It's cool. I know how that must suck to break up an engagement, but maybe you saved yourself a lot of shit. Maybe it's something I should have done, too. Haha.

I hate giving personal advice without being asked, but it's a thread and you guys are cool, smart guys...so fuck it.

You guys gotta found themselves first...and having a girl is not everything in life, some people spend the rest of their lives looking for love in the wrong places or with the wrong people...so consider yourselves lucky to have come to this point, because here you have a chance to do something smart.

Does it hurt like hell and you don't want to hear nobodys opinion about a matter about YOUR LIFE? i totally feel you...but think of all the problems and bullshit that will come in the future to haunt your relationship and slowly and slowly deteriorate it...it takes a lot to forgive somebody after something like that and personally i think the only way to forgive her will be getting over her and moving on with your life.

Life is short, brothers...very short and to spend all this time trying to save something that will never be the same is time that you will never get back and regret later on in life on how you spent it.

Mourn, cry, punch, kick, scream all you want to do whatever it's neccesary to get it all out. it works like a charm.

There is only one religion - the religion of Love. There is only one language - the language of the Heart. There is only one caste - the caste of Humanity. There is only one God - and He is Omnipresent.

I've only had one panic attack. That was one of those nights early in the destruction of my first marriage. When I was still trying to convince myself that she wasn't on drugs, and she was out until 5 in the morning and for the entire night I was stuck in this loop of alternating between the possibility that she was having an affair, was doing drugs, or had died in a car accident and thinking of how I was supposed to explain that to our 2 and 5 year-old.

I'd rather not have another one of those.

~Of the earth giants

Black Dragon Say:"request exigency medical acclaim if your erection is piercing"

  • Scrybe

  • Mon, 02/01/2010 - 23:20

panic attacks are not fun.

my dad was driving a big huge greyhound type bus filed with people when he had one, and somehow was able to will himself into control.

The worst outcome of any of my panic attacks was going AWOL from the middle of a factory shift and walking two and half hours home.

why son why son are you so hurt - and why son does that cigarette hang unlit, so glum from your lips - once spoke that life is meant to be dragged, dragged, dragged to the filter - but now but now son - why son are you so hurt

why bother why bother he says, his eyes - so unalert - like rythms and rhymes that occupies his mind but they don't quite reach his lips where where the cigarette rests unlit

Thank god for Xanax. I've had at least one a day for almost a week.

Mix that with a bit o pot and you'll be good.

~Of the earth giants

Black Dragon Say:"request exigency medical acclaim if your erection is piercing"

  • Scrybe

  • Tue, 02/02/2010 - 23:39

So I finally learned the truth today. She has indeed had sex with this guy. My wife is so emotionally unstable and vulnerable right now, and this guy took advantage of her. I am so pissed I had to write him a message.

Quote:Dearest Brent,

What kind of douche would take advantage of a newly married woman, trying to deal with the impending death of her mother? What would drive such a fat asshole to have an affair with a married women, and cause nothing but grief for her and her family? Someone who only cared about one thing: his dick. All you've done is caused someone already hurting emotionally to now have to go through more pain when she has to confront these demons. Don't ever speak to my wife again. Go die in a fire.

Cordially Yours,

Tyler BLANK

I was also talking to my wife's best friend (roommate throughout college and maid of honor) and she was saying the way my wife was talking about this guy, that'd he be good looking.

WTF? Who is the fat ass, and how on earth is this happening?

I let my wife know that I'm here if she wants to talk. She's looking into counseling, and we'll see what ends happening from there. I let her know how I felt about this guy, though. He was totally using her for sex. He was taking advantage of her and now that this is blowing up in her face, he's safe here in OK. He doesn't have to face any of the consequences of his actions, and he's free to find the next vulnerable coworker.

I wish I could get him fired.

We could band together anon style and have some fun if you'd like, I'd be more than happy to play along.

“Government cripples you, then hands you a crutch and says, 'See, if it wasn't for us, you couldn't walk.'” - Harry Browne

It'd be fun, but I'd rather call the cops on him and let them know I saw some guys "smoking". I wonder what Apple's view is of this kind of thing. Not a very good image for their company if it got out.

I just hope he has the balls to reply to me.

Well have fun and good luck, I'm hoping your revenge plans work perfectly.

“Government cripples you, then hands you a crutch and says, 'See, if it wasn't for us, you couldn't walk.'” - Harry Browne

Wow... sorry man. Try not to pin the entire blame on only one person. Though I know it's an inevitable part of the process, and that who that person is is going to change a few times.

~Of the earth giants

Black Dragon Say:"request exigency medical acclaim if your erection is piercing"

  • Scrybe

  • Wed, 02/03/2010 - 02:02

He looks like you, if you swallowed up an entire dunkin donuts and started doing meth.

Punch him in the nads!

Music project: www.myspace.com/ofwinterembers
Blog project: http://savagesoto.blogspot.com
Design: www.ericsotodesigns.com

Ha, I've actually lost 10 pounds since this all started.

He replied back to me, basically insinuating that I had kept my wife cooped up in a dusty apartment on the mantle, when he's been showing her off to the world. He said she ran to him because I made her unhappy. He sounded very proud of himself.

He is just a momentary thing I think. If she really wanted to be with him she wouldn't have told me. I think this dependence on him she feels isn't love but an escape.

Oh man, I'm so sorry. The fact that he reacted like that when you confronted him shows what a piece of shit he really is. Forgiveness is imperative, but I know that personally could never go back to her. Lots of people work it out after someone has cheated, but that is just NOT me. After that trust is broken, I can never go back mentally.....ever. I am way too sensitive. Of course you have to do what is best for you and your family, just sayin. Good luck, that's such a shitty situation. Also, you reap what you sow....he'll get his.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

  • no one

  • Wed, 02/03/2010 - 13:10

wow...sorry to hear about this man...I feel for you big time and I wish you weren't being drug through this.

I think you are doing the right thing, being there for her..don't forget that she is part of a problem too and when the time is right make her confront this issue.

anyway, this douche kinda looks like this guy:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1706767/

without the fro.

Http://www.ragingrev.com

It says something about your character that you are even willing to consider forgiving her and working it out Catharsis, if at all possible.

So sorry buddy.

fykusfireScrybe is what I would deem a genius. Of course with that said, there is a fine line between genius and insanity, and Scrybe is eating that line like spaghetti.

Let me not exist for a fair desire sweet and fresh.

I hate how some people get married without truly understanding the seriousness of matrimony.

And for her to shitted all over your marital vows like that is just the biggest insult ever...after you comitted your life to her, this is what she's going to do the first time she's in a tough situation? Man, please.

What makes you think she wouldn't do it again?
She already did it over something so meaningless and the fact tht she talks to other people about it just shows how not ready she is for a commitment like that.

Do yourself a favor and file for divorce.

Dude, there's no doubt she's going to do it again....there will be no Xanax or Vengeance that will heal your wounds after something like that.

There is only one religion - the religion of Love. There is only one language - the language of the Heart. There is only one caste - the caste of Humanity. There is only one God - and He is Omnipresent.

These types of issues only affect someone that allows them to, marriage or not.

Quote:Scrybe: Listen you godless, tofu-eating pussy... You're the one living in a delusional wonderland of your own making. You couldn't recognize order and design if they were twin tyrannosauruses burrowing into your anus.

In case of Zombie Apocalypse, your brain will be stolen

endemoniadoI hate how some people get married without truly understanding the seriousness of matrimony.

And here is why I am no longer with my fiancee.

why son why son are you so hurt - and why son does that cigarette hang unlit, so glum from your lips - once spoke that life is meant to be dragged, dragged, dragged to the filter - but now but now son - why son are you so hurt

why bother why bother he says, his eyes - so unalert - like rythms and rhymes that occupies his mind but they don't quite reach his lips where where the cigarette rests unlit

Agreed.

endemoniadoI hate how some people get married without truly understanding the seriousness of matrimony.

And for her to shitted all over your marital vows like that is just the biggest insult ever...after you comitted your life to her, this is what she's going to do the first time she's in a tough situation? Man, please.

What makes you think she wouldn't do it again?
She already did it over something so meaningless and the fact tht she talks to other people about it just shows how not ready she is for a commitment like that.

Do yourself a favor and file for divorce.

Dude, there's no doubt she's going to do it again....there will be no Xanax or Vengeance that will heal your wounds after something like that.


Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

  • no one

  • Thu, 02/04/2010 - 15:03

endemoniadoI hate how some people get married without truly understanding the seriousness of matrimony.

And for her to shitted all over your marital vows like that is just the biggest insult ever...after you comitted your life to her, this is what she's going to do the first time she's in a tough situation? Man, please.

What makes you think she wouldn't do it again?
She already did it over something so meaningless and the fact tht she talks to other people about it just shows how not ready she is for a commitment like that.

Do yourself a favor and file for divorce.

Dude, there's no doubt she's going to do it again....there will be no Xanax or Vengeance that will heal your wounds after something like that.

I actually came here to disagree with this and tell you to fight for her, but then i read that she's slept with him.

If you still love her, I think you have to give everything you have to making this marriage work, but if you are ready to go, leave her in his fat jolly arms.

Also, I'm not violent and i've maybe been in one fight in my life, but i would fuck this dude up miserably.

Yeah, the fact that she had sex with him...would be a deal-breaker for me. :(

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

  • no one

  • Thu, 02/04/2010 - 15:42

Wow. It's easy to play the knight in shining armor to a girl who doesn't know your dark side. I pity any guy who's enough of a mongoloid to actually think there's something so great about him that he can rescue an unstable woman away from her commitments.

I'm all for getting out, no matter how much you love her. If you tell her you want to work it out, then she can keep you on the backburner as long as she wants to, shop around as much as she wants to, and will only return to you if she's desperate enough and there's nothing "better" out there. And if she did come back, there's nothing to stop her from going away again--as far as she's concerned, you stuck around the first time, and you'll do it again.

Besides, you'll do better. Chicks dig nurses. I don't even have my LPN yet and I have to say, the quality of women I run with is far and away greater than it was a year ago.

Burn Beautiful

  • Kilo

  • Thu, 02/04/2010 - 16:35

Kilothe quality of women I run with is far and away greater than it was a year ago.

I imagine you were wearing an Affliction or Ed Hardy shirt with plenty of shiny skulls at the moment you posted this.

There is only one religion - the religion of Love. There is only one language - the language of the Heart. There is only one caste - the caste of Humanity. There is only one God - and He is Omnipresent.

Good lord.
I do need to clarify that by "quality" I mean overall poise and personality and the like.

I'm just saying, you're doing something with your life and it's a career that many people hold in high regard. I've always had interesting jobs personally, but nursing is a whole 'nother world that most people don't really understand.

Confidence only makes sense if you're actually doing something that's worth being confident about. Other than that, it's just bravado, and it falls apart when challenged.

Burn Beautiful

  • Kilo

  • Thu, 02/04/2010 - 17:39

Dude, i think you're taking this thread to the ER with your posts.

:: rubbing handles ::

Clear!

There is only one religion - the religion of Love. There is only one language - the language of the Heart. There is only one caste - the caste of Humanity. There is only one God - and He is Omnipresent.

How'd you get that head through the door, Kilo?

KiloWow. It's easy to play the knight in shining armor to a girl who doesn't know your dark side. I pity any guy who's enough of a mongoloid to actually think there's something so great about him that he can rescue an unstable woman away from her commitments.

I'm all for getting out, no matter how much you love her. If you tell her you want to work it out, then she can keep you on the backburner as long as she wants to, shop around as much as she wants to, and will only return to you if she's desperate enough and there's nothing "better" out there. And if she did come back, there's nothing to stop her from going away again--as far as she's concerned, you stuck around the first time, and you'll do it again.

Besides, you'll do better. Chicks dig nurses. I don't even have my LPN yet and I have to say, the quality of women I run with is far and away greater than it was a year ago.


Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

  • no one

  • Thu, 02/04/2010 - 19:12

Believe it or not, what you do for a living affects how people perceive you. There's nothing arrogant about recognizing this fact.

*anyway*

That was for Catharsis. I really think you can do better. I'm not saying this as an arbitrary word of encouragement. I mean it. Even if you don't want to do better, even if she's all you really want. She did this, not you, and even if you could have controlled the outcome had you known this was coming, there's no reason to regret all the things you didn't do, or feel like a failure.

Burn Beautiful

  • Kilo

  • Thu, 02/04/2010 - 19:49

I don't think you were able to understand her comment. which by the way was on point.

There is only one religion - the religion of Love. There is only one language - the language of the Heart. There is only one caste - the caste of Humanity. There is only one God - and He is Omnipresent.

She's saying I'm full of myself. I probably am.

Burn Beautiful

  • Kilo

  • Thu, 02/04/2010 - 20:02

Haha, I love the last few posts from you guys.

I'm just trying to give her as much space as possible right now. She just feels like she wants to run away from everyone: me, this douche, and her family. She said she wants to run away and start a new life.

She thinks that whenever her family tries to talk to her about this they are attacking her, but her dad gave her a number for the best counselor he knew of in their town, and she's calling today.

I dunno how I feel about all of this right now, which is why I am doing my own counseling. I just want to help her get through her mother's passing before I decide if it's worth fighting for or not, and hopefully after counseling we can both sort our own shit out and decide if we want to continue or not.

I feel like this guy she was with totally screwed up her moral compass, telling her to just go with what feels right. I feel like he poisoned her mind towards everyone not him, and now she just wants to be away from everything, even him.

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